Something Personal.

She sat in her sundress on a bright spring day in her seventeenth year of life, wondering if she was in love. Well, undoubtedly she was. The object of her affection, however, was not as easy to distinguish.  Was she in love with the boy, the man, or just the idea of being in love? For surely there was little fed to her in her first dozen years other than fairy tales that formed unrealistic expectations of life. It was wishful thinking, from the prince charming to the love at first sight. And yet she had clung stubbornly to the dream, not realizing for a long, long time, that life isn’t anything like daydreams. And at times, it could be a nightmare.

But now, those were too dark of thoughts to be pondering on such a divinely beautiful day. She smiled, looking out over the rooftops of the city and listening to the children shriek in the park nearby.

…and still clung to her childhood dreams, pretending that her heart had never been shattered, that she was still as innocent as she had been. “You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep, and every time tears roll down your cheeks, but I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet, someday you will be loved.” Sang the stereo within. Because no matter how many times she fell, she had to get back up. There was still a tiny part of her that believed she could fly, that she was a beautiful princess, that she grow up to do anything she wanted, be that an astronaut, the president, or a grandma. Maybe even a Power Ranger! The power of imagination, the magic that had taken her so many places, transformed blankets and cushions into a secret cave, turned a sheet into royal robes, and invented so many stories, was still a fire that burned inside, and as usual, it wanted out. It was exciting, but tiring, to think off all the things she could do, and yet, how many of them ever got done, or even started? There were so many things that got in the way of the things that made her feel alive, and yet all anyone can say is “That’s life.”

How did I get here? The days of childhood seem so near and dear, but then the prick of a pin as I get my prom dress fitted reminds me that I’m not a little girl anymore. But I am. But I’m not. And that doesn't really make sense.

LONDON.

Durrrr. 

Well, ok. Here's some highlights - 

CAMDEN TOWNNNNNN OMGLOVE.

The shows: The Lady In Black, Spring Awakening, The Tempest, and Wicked.

AGH. I am so lazy it's disgusting. I really ought to type this all up so I don't forget, but.... I don't feel like it.

Bleh.

HEY!

This is gotta be fast, because i'm leaving ina couple minutes to catch a train to london!!! omg i'm SO excited. Dont worry, I'll keep a log of things. lawl. the musical i'm most excited for is WICKEDDDDDDDD!!! YAY!!!

xxoxo

ttfn!

Correct Change and Tele-powers

So I guess nothing has REALLY changed that much. Sigh. Well, that’s life, right?

Today, I was in a horrible mood for most of the day. Mainly the morning, though. And I’ve noticed that the worse my mood, the worse my language gets.  Kinda funny, kinda not.

I like that my bus gets to school early, at about 8:15. Getting to school early is just nice… it makes me feel more relaxed, too. J

On a slightly-related note, if I was offered three wishes today, I would choose a perfect memory, the ability to fly, and that I could see certain people more often. A LOT more often. 

Pensiveness. Pensivity? Pensive-osity?

I didn’t sleep well last night. Dreams… dreams are insidious, horrid things.  There’s always something wrong, something not quite how it should be, but yet you chase after the dream, you try to stay in it as long as possible, because it’s still escape. And then you wake up and there’s that awful realization that you’re back to real life. Shizer.

You know, I think I just realized a reason why I don’t want to go back to the states – I’m scared that I won’t fit in anymore. All my old friends won’t have room for me in their lives, and we all will have changed and moved on. Of course, there are a few people that I don’t worry too much about that happened with, but the majority, especially those who have, well, a life (Can I say that?)… it’s scary. Scary because maybe it’s already happened.

Holy sob story, Batman. Am I emo or what?!? Oh dear.

Maybe it’s the sleep loss combined with caffeine and pensiveness.

Oh bloody well.

I’m excited for Friday – we’re going to London for our theater trip. Five days with my favorite people in a cool place, doing fun stuff. And then there’s Romania and Austria during Spring Break, and ISTA in Turkey in March! Also, Apparently, dad wants to go to Greece this summer. ROCK ON. Traveling = love.

He’s 143 Days older. 

Prom Committee: I’m on it. I’m one of two people. WORD. That’s fun, though, because it means that I decide the menu, and it’s gonna be yummy. Also, I’m probably going to be able to finagle myself a free or discounted ticket, which is nice considering that it’s going to be about 80 euros. Last year was more, though. But. Yeah. SHEESH. At least I won’t be spending a lot on my dress – I got it for $17 at Goodwill in the US. Epic win! Lawl.

 Plans for next year’s schooling: It seems rather settled, and I thought I had resigned myself to it. I mean, there’s pros and cons no matter where I am, but anyways. Next year I’m most likely coming back to MN, living at home, taking a few classes at a local school (because I only have like 3 more credits before I can graduate) and taking ballet and voice lessons. That will probably be my life.

Although since the whole Crucible incident, I again have a SIGH moment. Also, Mr. Graham has also offered to let me stay at his house next year, if I could stay. Unfortunately, there are a few things standing in the way:  convincing mom and dad to let me stay here on my own, and about 40k in tuition. OOFTA. I could probably get a scholarship, but I doubt that would cover it. My grades aren’t good enough to get a full ride. So there you go – right after I become fine with my future, it gets tossed up again. Figures.

Oh, boy. Or rather, oh Boys. I hate being a teenager… if my hormones weren’t this crazy, half my trouble would be gone I’m sure! Sigh.  Lawrence tried to kiss me at Maxine’s party. So now things are complicated. Complicated because I’m not used to being on the receiving end of this type of affection, and because I don’t actually really like LIKE him. I told myself many years ago that dating in high school is NOT a good idea, but I find myself so very attracted to the idea of being married. As soon as possible. Which, again, isn’t the smartest thing to do. I’m absolutely awful – I’ve definitely considered my name with several boys, several times. There are a few that sound really nice, actually. I’m pretty sure that they could say five words to me and I’d be head-over-heels. Because they’re just that nice! Two of them are taken, though, and the others don’t seem interested. I’m thinking about trying the whole ‘flirting’ concept though – apparently it’s effective. (Then that verse from Song of Songs pops into my head- “I beg you, Oh daughters of Israel, do not arouse or awaken love before it’s time” or something like that.) Oh well. Oh, today Toby was sick and miserable, so he asked me to hold his hand and I did. It was nice and no flirty or anything like that. Toby is SO sweet. Big, tall, Indian, and drop-dead gorgeous…. Sigh. Story of my life.

Not Catch-up, but Mustard. 

 Well, I know it’s been quite awhile, since the beginning of February really, but I’ve decided to start carrying around my computer again, so now I can blog in the bus.

About the bus – A couple of weeks ago, I got transferred to another bus. That is, my mom got me put on the same bus as Camille and Leopold, Marie-Claire’s kids. It’s about five minutes more of a walk, but leaves 25 minutes later and gets home 45 minutes earlier, so that’s pretty awesome. I’d also like to add that it’s a mini-bus, and I’m not the bus monitor, so I can sit in the back, and those seats… man, we have been getting some MAJOR air! I mean, actual butt-leaving-seat kind of air. And Belgium has a lot of speed bumps. Yippee!

In some ways, not a lot has changed. In other ways, it seems like a year since I got home from Christmas break. There’s been plenty of drama, of all kinds. I’ll give you a small re-cap, I guess. With a fair amount of detail, because I’m quite sure that only a few people read this. Roll call! Lol. 

Ok, so the last one was right before the play I was in, right? right. Ok. Well, that went well. Um... what else has happened? Well, ok. Here's a few things. The spring play - The Crucible. We had auditions, and I got the part of Mary, a big main role that's uberly fun to play. But the teachers put up a stink because the seniors need to do the IB, so doing the play would take away their time to study. That's pretty bogus, because it's less time than the seniors spend doing sports, and yet those are allowed and encouraged! So, ok, the play will be 11th, 10th, and 9th grade. That's fine. Well, no, not fine, because some of the parents of the seniors made a HUGE fuss about the seniors not being allowed, threatened legal action, and somehow it ended up that we're not doing it at all this spring. We'll do it in October, but I still get screwed over because I, in all likelihood, won't be here. SIGH. 

On thursday I went over to Parker's house before Leadership (a bible study). It was a lot of fun, we watched Star Trek and then baked for cookie Friday in Philosophy. : ]

Urr... time for class. More laterz.

I really need to blog more often.

Well, Nathan came to school on Friday, but he still wasn't well enough to go to the dance, which was a shame. I still went and had fun, though. My friend Claire-Marine said I looked like a 50's goddess.

This week has been full of late nights - on Tuesday the Grahams came over for dinner, and that was fun. I think that mom and dad are going to really let me pursue theater now! On wednesday morning during first period, I had to stand in order to not fall asleep. Ouch.

I'm typing this as I wait for the play to start - 45 minutes and counting. I'm kinda hungry. And I finished Brisingr... RETARDED ENDING. It was like the end of a chapter, not a book.

I've been thinking A LOT, and then it all tumbled out.
And now I'm just waiting...

Thuuuuursdays.

The last time I tired to post, my computer was wonky and wouldn't let me. Thus, now.

I had a few very late nights - Insomnia rarely goes away forever. 1am and 3am and 2am, three nights in a row. Lovely. Last night was rather late as well, because of rehearsal. On monday, Katie Foster and I went shopping for dresses in Waterloo. We had no luck, but she slept over which was quite amusing, because I managed to convince/bribe/coerce her to go to school in what I dressed her in, which was totally punked out! It ROCKED. >D Muahaha. Then that night we went to the Arab quarter, which is THE place to shop - variety, and VERY reasonable prices. Aka, I got my semi-formal dress for 20 euros, which is a good price for a nice dress! :] Anywho. 

Nathan hasn't been to school all week. I'm getting rather worried.

AHH OMG! The third book in the inheritence triligy is out in my library! I checked it out today. :D YAY! It's nice and THICK.

And now, for your pleasure and consideration.... A Rant.

Oh, I will for sure finish documenting break SOMETIME... *dies* I am dead tired now, though. And would just like to say that OBVIOUSLY, my classmates do not value creativity and originality of thought and personality AT ALL, otherwise I would be student leader instead of those blond clones. YEP. That's how it is, kay? Parker is the exception to the group. Other than that, I have little hope for the next 6 months of assemblies and such.